A reader wants to know:

How do you handle bedtime? It's a nightmare for us every night... crying, getting out of bed, asking for endless lists of things like water and bathroom... AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  Can you help?

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Routine, consistency and deterrent.

Start a routine at a the SAME time every night. THE SAME TIME. This allows the kids to know what to expect and when to expect it. It also regulates their body clock and they naturally "wind down" at bed time.

Pick a small handful of things each night for the routine: read a couple of pages, get a drink, brush teeth, go to the potty, change into PJ's, say prayers... THE END.  No exceptions (unless they are authentically sick... which don't include pretend stomach aches or bathroom emergencies five minutes after they just went).

Kids will take every exception you will allow. So don't allow any, no matter how much begging, pleading and "I'm going to die if I don't go to the bathroom!!!" you hear. Don't fall for it... kids will probe every defense relentlessly until they find a weakness.

You have to be consistent. Same time, same routine, same expectations, same consequences if they don't comply.

Now, for all you progressive enlightened parents who think spanking is "hitting" or "violence", all I can say is GOOD LUCK trying to get two, three or four year old to stay in bed, lie still and go to sleep on time, at BEDTIME every night.  Timeouts just keep them out of bed. Threatening consequences the next day are too far in the future for a small child to grasp. Offering bribes just means the bribes have to get better and better to work. You can't reason with a small child who only wants what they want and they want it now.

To those who are open to understanding that properly administered spanking, done with love, patience and consitency is the appropriate deterrent for a toddler who won't stay in bed, won't be still, or throws a fit (among other things)... you're probably not having this problem to begin with. Unless you've left out the routine and consistentcy.

Even if you do discipline them appropriately for disobedience or defiance, if you don't include "routine" and "consistency" then you still might be having problems at bedtime, dinnertime or out in public. It takes all three.

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We have entire generations today who have no clue about appropriate, effective LOVING spanking: how, when, who and where.  In their defense, they've been bullied and lied to about spanking for decades, and think they are taking the high road when they say "we don't spank!" (usually said with much pride while their kid is throwing a fit).  It's a shame because the proof is in the pudding: to out toa public place with lots of kids and you'll see plenty of spoiled, fit-throwing, demanding, pouting, disobedience... but they all have really high self esteem!

Funny, just about the time the world is waking up to destructiveness of trading genuine discipline for self-esteem, the church is jumping in with both feet. Sadly, this is a typical pattern.

It takes all three - routine, consistency and a deterrent - to win the bedtime wars.

How do you handle bedtime difficulties? What is your experience/opinion of spanking? What are your questions about parenting?

Parenting » Young Children

12/23/2008

How Do You Handle Kids Who Are Picky Eaters?

A reader asks:   How do you handle kids who are picky eaters?   - - - - - - - -   We don't make the kids consistently eat foods that really do have strong flavors that we KNOW a lot of people don't like such as broccoli, mushrooms, onions, etc.   We do make them TRY everything once or twice (except for HOT spicy foods) because kids too easily get into a tastebud rut and won't try new items.   We do NOT take special food to eating events in anticipation that our kids will want chicken nuggets instead of whatever is being served. If we go to an social gather to eat, we put food on their plate that we know is pretty average stuff, and they either eat it, or go hungry. As soon as you start bringing alternatives, they will NEVER like what is being served.   We do not allow them to be "picky". Yes, there will be some foods that each child just doesn't like. But overall, they are required to eat whatever Mom or Dad makes, and if there is one of the foods at dinner they don't like, they can eat the other three or four choices. If they decide they don't like any of it, they can just wait until the next meal to eat.     Hey, folks... like my blog? Tips help me pay the bills.           There are times when the kids refuse to eat out of pickiness (and we KNOW it's pickiness) that we simply wrap up the plate, and they get it again next meal.  Still won't eat? By the next meal they are guaranteed to be hungry enough to eat dog food... at that point being PICKY doesn't seem so tempting to them.   Set up the standard early in their life that the kids will eat whatever is put in front of them. Like most discipline, if you set up an early and CONSISTENT standard, you won't have trouble later.   What are your questions about picky kids? What are your comments and experience about picky kids?       ~ Brent